The who. Part: something

I really wish I can go back in time when we first met and I can make and do the right decision not to fall for you, so that my life would be so much easier now. but I can’t, and its too late. It hurts me so much when I think about you and your wife-to-be are getting married soon. Some people told me to move on, some people told me it’ll be okay, some people said I’ll be crazy and would probably spending most of my time crying and being desperately stressed out just like a dead girl living in a God-knows-what planet. I feel so insecure, and hopeless. I would be so stupid if thinking that it is the end of everything, slash ‘my life’, it is not! I’m sad, really really sad. what is it becoming more ridiculous now, me. God help please :’(

KUMI.

Saturday, 4:13 AM.

I’m sitting on his desk. thinking about him. missing him. knowing how my days will be sooo hard without him around. I’m regretting the thought that I will still have him forever, as I stay here. but it’s not like that anymore. will I still be able to do things right when he’s not here? :( I’m feeling the heartache. losing someone who I never literally think about everyday but always with me. work with me. someone who I look up to, that I learn things from. this pain cost too much. it will cost me everything I do from now on. sad and lost. being left and losing. I cry my heart out. tears never want to stop raining this cheeks. I want to see him. I’m not very good with words, saying what I exactly in my heart is going to be hell of a hard work that needs to be done. I really need him. I hate seeing other people being sad because of this. it’s like my heart is being torn and I don’t know what to do. I hate people seeing what I’m feeling too. they will never understand.

I hope that there’s still time when I can actually show him the best of me. things what he taught me and what I learn from him. I would love to work with him again in the future. I will definitely miss him. Mas erik.

The who. Part: someting. (I forgot)

and I think that you’re a smart person. Found a good girl and marry her. I’m not-so-happy for you. You wouldn’t leave her for a happy-go-lucky girl like me, would you? :(

ultimate changes of my face. true story.

looking at the old photos of mine, well not that they are reaally old, its about 2 or 3 years back. when my hair was long and good, my face was way much better than it is now. when the word ‘pressure’ was just from 10 am to 5 pm. when ‘stressing out’ was the reason why I didn’t have the time to spend the weekend with my friends going around the city getting drunk. when sleeping was the only thing that I do other than going to college. when going on laptop and browse the internet means ‘facebook’, ‘twitter’, ‘tumblr’ and ‘youtube’.

growing up is good, growing old is a nightmare. looking at the photos of you when you were 2 or 3 years younger is worse, than looking at your middleschool photos. it’s like, it hasn’t been so long but so many changes, and everyone around you still the same or even gets better, by the looks. it’s irritating. and somehow disturbing :|

getting a job, doing a proper work in an office, doing a real thing, is a good deal. is a damn deal, I suppose, when you work in a television broadcast company. production department. a very busy department. 24/7. Hallelujah!

the job, explains a lot, and would be the main reason of many changes happening in my life, my face. HA! the look of a person who work 24/7, or sometimes 28 hours 10 days. pressure? naah that’s a hobby. the look of a person who only have weekend once in every 2 or 3 months, without getting drunk, and not going anywhere but the office. the look of a person who never have enough of sleeping time, and the best bed and couch to rest is my own desk, still, at the office. the look of a person who turn on the laptop and mostly goes to what microsoft office was there for. boring? nah, we do facebook and twitter too, we really do :|

all is good though. I’m not complaining about my job here, I’m here again to complain about so many changes in my face. damn. I love my job. growing up is a done deal. then again here I am, doing the real thing. the only thing that keeps me going is my family that support and complains on me at all time, and my friends at the office who as rock and roll as a rock and roller could be. thanks to the environtment that they have created around me. I look bad. but I’m super happy :)